hilang akal

wahai blogku,

hari ini aku terasa nak menulis dalam bahasa ibunda aku. senang sikit nak emo kalau guna bahasa seharian…

aku dah cukup penat…makin hilang akal aku yang tak seberapa ini. adakah aku hilang akal kerana aku lembik? aku tahu aku bukan lembik dan aku tak rasa aku lembik. aku rasa sekarang ni aku dah malas nak layan!

suatu masa dulu aku pernah diajar ‘memendam rasa’. kadang-kadang aku bila fikir balik, logik ke kalau nak pendam rasa selama-lamanya? orang hilang akal pun takkan pendam perasaan dia lama-lama. pendamlah perasaan tidak puas hati kamu itu. tu zaman ortodoks bolehlah, sekarang ni zaman dah maju. masing-masing ada pendapat sendiri. kalau arahan tu macam hilang akal, takkan nak pendam je? sapa setuju jom mogok!

ahahaha, hilang akal ke nak mogok?

makanya, pendamlah perasaan itu.

sampai ke sudah tak maju camni….

apa susah, janji pukul 5.30 balik! kalau sekali-sekala takpelah nak 5.30 duk tercongok depan PC lagi, kalau hari-hari hilang akal namanya…

when will the rain stops?

dearest blog,

i can see the rain pouring down from the glass window of this majestic building. it rains frequently these past few days giving some suggesting relief from heat. these rains don’t bother me much as i enjoyed looking at it, what more smelling its fresh scent.

there’s one rain that doesn’t give me any pleasure. the rain that comes without discontinuity here in the office. when will this rain stop? i think i just can’t endure the rain anymore. normal rain will eventually stops but this rain seems impossible to preclude.

hoping that the good news elude me from this torrential rain that i don’t really think will cease or at least halt for a while, enough for me to catch my breath.

anyone up for a cuppa nescafe tarik?

anger is a gift

dearest blog,

during my school days, i listened to rage against the machine (now disbanded) almost every other day. the frontman (zack de la rocha) once quoted “anger is a gift” in one of their song that i cannot recall its title. back then, it was just a mere statement from a bunch of people who hated the system they lived in and can do nothing about it but now the quote has somehow coming to the sense. to me personally, to have anger is good but to excessively abuse it will just do more harm than none.

i am angry, angry at myself who cannot control my angst. holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; but in the end i am the one who gets burned. the words are more or less like that. spiritually i am burned. physical can never reflects the emotion that you had inside as to smile is easy but to really mean the smile is not.

anger and stress walk in parallel. when the stress is in you, anger just ticks waiting for the moment to explode and i stupidly explode yesterday. i shouldn’t have exploded, i never should but i did and i really regret it. i lost to the stress that i am experiencing right now. my body is stressed, my mind stressed even more and i am lost in the battle with myself…anyone can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person at the right time, and for the right purpose and in the right way – that is not within everyone’s power and that is not easy.

anger is the most impotent of passions. it effects nothing it goes about, and hurts the one who is possessed by it more than the one against whom it is directed. anger is just a cowardly extension of sadness. it’s a lot easier to be angry at someone than it is to tell them you’re hurt. maybe, anger is not a gift anymore. it’s a curse to be born until the end.

p/s: don’t hold to anger, it steals your energy and keep you from love.