who stays?

dearest blog,

it’s just past lunch hour and i’m already a zombie. definitely my mind cannot be truly focused on the task given – go figure! the morning was filled with activities that involve chocolates (load of them!) and coffees (even much more!) as i try to rethink and restructure back all the tasks at hand according to the level of prioritiness. there are like two main tasks need to be dealt with outside source, while one require internal cooperation between the commune. having to deal with outside source means no absolute control on the outcome that i want to expect. well, that is the nature of my job which i dreaded quite mostly.

informations were received mostly during at the end of the work day, resulting in hours of staying back without overtime allowances in order to finish in time (i.e. the next day). people always comment that the job i’m in is the easiest of all…

* arrive at eight, eight thirty at the most
* can have tea breaks at half past ten
* lunch hour that can go for couple of hours
* leave exactly at five p.m. sharp
* oh yes, you can go to the banks or post office in between that in order to settle your chores…

for those who think that this the easiest job in the world, i beg to differ. for those who wrote articles belittling us, i only ask you to check your facts for one more time. it’s all revolve around one simple equation…who stays and who goes back when the music sings?

of changes and swoosh

dearest blog,

finally, the day is over. it has been such a lazy monday or a mundane monday as what i always love to put it. the bosses are not around, maybe due to the late night flight they endured last night. most of them were in langkawi for the weekend doing some strategic planning thingy for the office with¬†the launching of the new corporate logo that look more to a Nike logo with the ‘swoosh’ thingy in bright red. yes, ‘Just Do It!’ with a capital J is the new unofficial tagline for the office. you were to told to write something the ‘A’ way but after few premonitions (so called), let us change it to the ‘B’ way (with only few hours left towards the dateline)..ok, just do it! whether you like it or not.

well, my name was initially in the list of attendees to langkawi but was later chopped off. maybe i’m too junior to go, maybe my ideas and fundamentals will not be suitable for the corporate change towards the future. nevermind that, but i am dumbfounded when some juniors of mine who barely sets foot in the office were selected. there goes hours af staying backs, down the drain without recognitions. i feel kind of downhearted, since i got some plans on things to be done while on the island apart from contributing some ideas. nevertheless, i don’t really mind. i’ll let the others dolphin themselves while i lay quietly at the bottom of the ocean with a lamp to myself – go deep, lay low is the lanternfish style. after all, most juniors were there as rapporteurs, so i think i am lucky enough to escape since i still get my chocolates (though not as much as if i went there by myself) and a well-wanted perfume for the hantaran.

talking about job, the burden has lessen since the deputy director general (DDG) has been promoted to a higher post and was transferred to a new office. the director was well aware of the burden at hand but dare not counter the order of the then DDG (well, the Nike syndrome…). since he has moved, most of the task has been handed over to the respective departments. while waiting for the new DDG, the life in the office is a breeze. there are times for coffees, newspapers, chuzzle and some web-browsing for the perfect card and doorgift. i should have known that life is so much easier with the creation of the internet with everything is within reach with just a click.

finished reading a book at the office (i got time to read a book today!). a 74 pages book that i order last friday was just in from the mail today. a bit ashamed to tell the whole world about the title of the book actually (blushing a bit!). finished reading in less than an hour since most of the ideas in the book were already common to me. i do know a lot (i think) but i just don’t really practice and emphasize it much to my daily miserable life..kudos to me!

many things can happen and change in a year. went to bangsar last night and i am quite suprise to see the new bangsar village complex has been officially opened. took a stroll inside and i can smell the sense of richness in there with designer’s boutique on each floor, exclusive and excuisite stores with expensive ashtrays and toothpicks holders. if thing can change, a man too can change if he opts to change. a conversation with two of my closest colleagues last friday ponders me. do we really change or we just think that we have change but somehow we actually did not change much? how to define a change, whether just by looking at the change on the outside when the inside of the change is something uncertain or vague? can you consider yourself has changed but somewhere down the lane you realized that opting to change was not something that you really wants?

actually, that is not the point. i drifted away from the main point of the subject matters. while strolling the floors of the complex, i reconciled the past…the days when i will walk into such stores and came out with a shopping bag if not two. with a strict self-disciplined regime now, i am controlling myself like what my mom always said to me, “in order to gain something, we must be cruel sometimes, even to ourselves”. i do miss my

* coffees (the expensive ones)
* t-shirts (that come with a paper bag upon payment)
* nights out (loud thumping noise type of outing) – well, maybe i’ll skip this ūüôā

wow, this is such an entry…

water lily

dearest blog,

ever heard the statement, money is like water but water is¬†no way¬†like money. indeed it is true, it is¬†never easy¬†to control the cashflow no matter how we try to control it. effortlessly we service the compounding interests¬†monthly, the pantry fees at the office for few slices of bread and a cup of coffee for breakfast daily, monthly department’s fund where the collected money has no definite purpose…well said, the world revolve around money.¬†can we really tell how much is enough? how to clearly state that i have enough? if i have millions and millions, will it ever be enough?¬†all this makes me miss caramel macchiato.

planning a wedding demands great efforts and labors. the weekend was filled with discussions on what colour to wear, what type of gifts are going to be given to the guests, how the menus should be et cetera. i can say that almost 65% is confirmed, waiting for the fund to mature and be dispersed respectively.

i admit that¬†i¬†can be¬†ignorant towards others feeling, even to the closest person that i have…what to do, i am a blank person.

the tears that you never see

dearest blog,

i have been treating you really bad now.¬†you are not updated, easy! whenever i try to write on something, that something seems to be lost. when i think i had something to ramble on, words just don’t came out. there were issues, there were things happening in my life but whenever i try to express it out…mind block! err, i think i am¬†doing my entry blindlessly today. bear in mind if there’s no ‘penanda wacana‘ involved…heh! that was such a hard¬†paragraph.¬†

okay, let me try for a second paragraph…i have been thinking quite a lot lately (not that i’m the type who don’t think at all..ahaha!) thoughts and views on life problems. well, you can run but you can’t hide. that is a quote that relatively can be associated with dealing with problems. upon watching the new digi commercial on the tube, that weird creepy looking yellow figures somehow resemble¬†the thing¬†we call problem.¬†problems are everywhere aren’t they?¬†imagine the yellow creatures as problems, the whole of the nation is problem-plagued then…ahahah!

sometimes, we¬†tend to ignore others feeling. in result, we will have emotions running loose. i am such an ignorant person…duh!

adagio for strings

dearest blog,

have you ever realized that potholes in our country can cost you a pair of nike? i never had such an idea until i was robbed by potholes (not literally) few days ago. the evil potholes slam me to the side and injuring my front left tyre, denting some rims. as a result, i was robbed. that much money can buy me a new pair of nike if not aldo and made me miss one big event that i’ve been looking forward to join since like last year? sometimes, we have to make difficult choices even if we are going to be the subject of ridicule and sarcasm of other people we called friends…without friends life is nothing, with friends life is meaningful and so full of love even if we are ridicule and made fun of, but all that make our life merrier and cherrier…

talking about preparations for the big event (not a big as rev3lation/revel4tion in size though), i am dumbfounded…there were like so many things need to be done. a lot! abundant!

went to harvey norman, saw this 60 inch lcd tv…showing tiesto in concert. man…was i flying!

the longest hour

dearest blog,

everything feels like yesterday – including tiesto. tiesto was excellent, the feeling of being tranced by world’s no.1 DJ is exhilirating though it was in march. the point is, tiesto happened in march but i feel it like yesterday…

everything flashes in retrospectives…

another one on 2007

dearest blog,

realizing that it’s already 3 days into 2007, i managed to devour some missing link in my life that i know has been forgotten for some time (or at least i misplaced in somewhere in my skull). another year has come and people keep on talking about resolutions and more resolutions. does it really count to have new year’s resolutions? to me personally, as stated in my previous entry resolutions are mere guidelines for a better life. to achieve it is a victory…well, here are some resolutions that i think i can at least achieve…

* try to read more books (i have several books that i’ve bought last year – due to my insensible shopping addictness)
* exercise/jog (or at least dome some sit-ups)…i think i am getting fat, my shirt’s collar is getting hard to button.
* smoke less (well, maybe this is just a dream – to quit totally is kind of impossible, maybe to reduce it is more sane).
* take good care of my beloved car (all the dents and scratches must go, and the horrible sound too…the FC is worsening.) – after all, all the hard earned pay goes to my second baby (my fiancee comes first ok!)
* work hard (ok, i’ve to be forced to stay back) – if there’s a work need to be done, do it zaha!
* a DSLR and an LCD tv (yeah, serious!)
* be a more romantic person (i know i am lacking in that – period!)

well, enough for now!

two o o seven

dearest blog,

sometimes things fly by so fast you just don’t realize it. as for 2006, it¬†has ended, and i still cannot believe that¬†2006 is over. let us not talk about the sadness of leaving 2006 but let us look forward to 2007. another new year, few more new resolutions to be achieved. do we need a new year’s resolution? will it make any different to our life?

the answers may varies depending on to whom the question is asked. personally, resolutions are just guidelines in becoming a better person and the benchmark to my achievements. i don’t really have a new year’s resolution since the one i made for 2006 is something not to be proud of. maybe i need to review them and further enhanced the resolutions and hoping for the best that i can achieve at least some rather than none in 2007.

i know that i am financially quite unstable but i just couldn’t care less. personal finance is a neverending story you can¬†tell up to 10 generations. define enough? how much is enough? how will you know that you have enough? enough cushion to support you when you fall, enough savings to keep you well-fed during your latter years or maybe just enough to make ends meet. i know that i don’t have enough and to me nothing can come close to enough. give 10 ringgit and i can survive for two days or give 10 grands and i can spend it all in less than 30 minutes…(a 42 inch lcd & a dslr camera). well, i think i know what i am lacking….it is called self-discipline. so (with god’s will):

no more impulse shopping (the hardest part i guess…i just love to shop) – ok, control!

to become better is always a goal, to really achieve it is a victory.

i am getting married in a few months time and i am starting to freak out. will i manage? will i endure? can i prepare myself – physically, emotionally, mentally and financially?

life, it is full of questions that you don’t even know the answer…